Faceless
by KarmaVictim
Summary: Steve convinces Bucky to get a phone, and when he finally does, he texts the wrong number. The number that belongs to Tony Stark, AKA Iron Man... Except they don't reveal their identities... WinterIron slash
1. Chapter 1

/

underlined is Bucky  
 _italics_ is Tony

/

Am I doing this right?

 _...Doing what right?_

Texting. It's so foreign

 _Oh. Well congratulations you're a texting tourist!_

Thanks? Is this even Steve?

 _Nope. Sorry to disappoint._

Oh... that's alright. Apparently it's not just texting I'm foreign at but phone numbers too.

 _Wait so you've never touched a phone until recently?_

No

 _Holy shit you poor soul how have you coped in life?_

A true mystery

 _It is! Don't worry I'll be your texting teacher. Call me professor_.

...No thanks.

 _Wrong answer! Thirty points from Gryffindor!_

What?

 _It's a Harry Potter joke. Dayum I'm really serious now: how have you LIVED?_

So sorry I don't live up to your technological expectations

 _Nonono Harry Potter is a book series and I'll teach you the ways of texting!_

Why?

 _Because I'm bored with nothing else to do._

Right...

 _Well hey think of it this way: if you become a supreme texter then you can impress Steve whats-his-face_

Steve whats-his-face? He'd love to hear that

 _Yup. Ten points to Gryffindor for you agreeing with me!_

I don't understand

 _For fuck's sake... that's it, I'm sending you the link to a book store where they deliver books to your doorstep, old man._

No thank you.

 _Too bad. Here! [link]_

In case you didn't know, I have no idea how to even begin buying a book from there

 _Fine, lesson one has begun. Step into my classroom, please._

The nonexistent classroom?

 _Precisely! Now, first step: click the link_

Okay...

 _Second step, go to the top of the page and type Harry Potter into the white bar_

Okay

 _Then there should be a result called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Click that and then the buy button_

It says I need to do payment. I don't want to fill this out.

 _Ask Steve then, he can help if he's in real life._

He's almost as incompetent as me.

 _Wait really? HA fucking old men_

Something like that

 _Alright well I could send you my purchased Harry Potter series but you read it online_

No thanks

 _I was actually hoping you'd say that because I feel like you'd either take up as much money as possible or go out screaming at the top of your lungs that you have my account._

Sorry to be a downer, but I would do neither

 _Well yeesh you are beyond abnormal. You're alien._

Thanks

 _You're welcome!_

 _SHIT_

 _FUCK_

 _oK GOTA GO THERS A DEVIL IN MY ROOM FuCK_

I am so confused...

 _DONT WORRY ILL BE BCK BYE_

Bye...?

/

 _Fear not, old incompetent one, for I have returned!_

Joy.

 _Sorry there was a certain someone that barged into my room and demand I get out of bed._

I wonder why I'm not concerned

 _Oh so you're apathetic too? So charming._

How do I get Steve's real number?

 _...You go ask him for it...?_

I don't want to bother him

 _You mean you don't want him to know you're failing miserably at technology?_

That too

 _Well idk how to help._

What's idk?

 _Oh my god I can't even... ok step into my classroom again_

Alright...

 _I feel like you'll be living here_

It sounds better than where I am now.

 _Where are you? A retirement center?_

No but the bed is too soft and everyone hates me

 _Yikes that's lame. Sounds similar to me though. The last bit, I mean_

Honestly people hate me more than they probably hate you.

 _Doubt it. I leave my room and people climb into the vents to hide from me._

I leave my room and people cower or sneer and/or aim a weapon at me when they think I'm not looking

 _Damn. Let me guess, they somehow make it possible to be tough and hateful while simultaneously walking on eggshells?_

Yes...

 _Been there. Sucks._

What's idk mean?

 _Shit I forgot. It's abbreviated for 'I don't know'_

Why would someone type like that?

 _Because I was too lazy to type more letters_

Wow.

 _You better not be judging me because I can do way worse._

Is that so?

 _yes hows dis 4 txt tlk i warned u looser i can make u hav nitemares_

How do I send this to Steve?

 _Wait you want him to have nightmares?_

To distract him from the ones he already has? Yes.

 _Well that's depressing. I thought you were being funny_

No. I guess I could just show him my phone though.

 _Oh god no don't. Don't you dare._

Why not?

 _Because if he's as incompetent as you say he'd probably be all like "STRANGER DANGER STAY AWAY FROM THEM THEY MIGHT MURDER YOU"_

That's a very solid impression

 _Exactly!_

Although I'm paranoid like him. Who are you?

 _I knew you'd ask that eventually. I don't wanna say my full name so I'll need a nickname..._

That doesn't help with my paranoia

 _Oh well. Sorry not sorry._

How does Stranger Danger work?

 _That's actually fitting. But no_

Fine.

 _What's YOUR name?_

Not telling.

 _Oh I forgot. You're super paranoid._

Yes. How can I not be paranoid?

 _True. The reason I'm not paranoid is because I can hide who I am hehe_

How?

 _I can hide my phone's connection. If anyone tries tracing my phone they'll be fucked_

What did you do...

 _Hehehe :)_

What is that supposed to be?

 _Turn it sideways and tell me_

...Wow. Is that meant to be a face or something?

 _Yes. Yes indeed._

How do I make a "this conversation is beyond weird" face?

 _Uh... idk. Try o_O_

o_O

 _I DONT KNOW WHY IM LAUGHING BUT I LOVE THIS AHAHA_

o_O

 _OH mY GOD STOP HAHA IT'S JUST SO FUNNY IMAGINING AN OLD MAN TEXTING LIKE THIS_

o_O

 _ST AHP_

:)

 _IVE CREATED A MONSTER HWAT HAVE I DONE MY TEACHING HAS BACKFIRED_

:)

 _STOOOOOP_

:) o_O

 _omg i cant even..._

Oops

 _YEAH "OOPS"_

Nickname though?

 _OH... idk. Can I choose yours?_

I guess

 _Oooh you're gonna regret that... ok I need some info. Don't get too paranoid. What's something you like about your appearance?_

Nothing

 _Nothing? Nothing at all? Damn that's sad_

Just don't like the way I look

 _Why not? Wait wait wait can I call you Hobo?_

Why the hell would you call me HOBO?

 _Well do you have long hair?_

Yes...

 _A beard?_

Yes...

 _AHA I WAS RIGHT! Therefore, Hobo_

No. Just no.

 _Well fine! :(_

You're digging another hole. :(

 _Dammit what have I done?!_

:(

 _Stoooop_

:( :( :(

 _Uggghhhh fine I won't call you Hobo_

Good

 _How about Homeless Man?_

No.

 _Dammit..._.

How about we make a nickname for you first?

 _Mk. Dunno what it'll be_

Brat? Professor? Professor Brat?

 _Ooooh maybe..._

 _WAIT I GOT IT_

 _What's your favorite animal?_

Um... dogs, I guess

 _Ok o k ok if you had a dog what would you name it?_

Idk

 _you're soooo helpful. Ok what does your dream dog look like?_

Idk

 _YOURE USELESS FINE GIVE ME A SECOND_

Ok?

 _OK I HAVE LINKS FOR DOGS. WOULD YOU LIKE A HUSKY? [link]_

Maybe

 _Golden retriever? [link]_

I like that one more

 _Ok what about an Australian shepherd? [link]_

Yes.

 _Yes? OK PERFECT now what color do you want it to be?_

Idk

 _-sigh- wow_

o_O

 _for fucks sake_

 _what about a brown and white one?_

Maybe

 _Black and white?_

Maybe

 _Brown black and white?_

Maybe

 _Either you tell me what colors you want or I'm going to call you Patchy or Fluffy_

 _Fluffy Patch_

I guess all the colors combined

 _alright then was that so hard?_

Sure

 _Ok I've got it. What about Bones?_

...Bones?

 _Yes. Bones_.

No

 _For fucks sake... ok what can you think of?_

Idk

 _Would you prefer Bear?_

No

 _Bubbles?_

No

 _Smiley?_

No

 _Cat?_

No

 _Giggles?_

NO.

 _GIGGLES IT IS THEN!_

NO!

 _ALRIGHT THEN WHAT?_

Blue

 _...Blue_

Yes

 _How'd you think of that?_

I have blue/silver eyes

 _oh... ok then BLUE IT IS!_

Hooray.

 _Are you being sarcastic?_

Possibly

 _Oke doke then. Now what'll be my nickname?_

What color are your eyes?

 _Poopy brown_

Wow. So poetic.

 _Yep_

Chocolate

 _No_

Yes

 _No_

Yes

 _Noooo_

Coffee?

 _...Maybe_

Ok then your nickname is Coffee.

 _NoNONO I thought of something better!_

Oh god... what is it?

 _Kat!_

what

 _Kat_

I repeat: what

 _I am Kat and you shall be Kit_

No.

 _Yes!_

No.

 _Yes! Together we will be KitKat!_

No.

 _In case you didn't know, it's a type of candy. Chocolate, actually._

No.

 _Why not?! :(_

Because it's stupid

 _No_

Yes

 _:( youre no fun_

I know

 _:( :( :(_

 _:( :(_

 _:(_

 _:( :(_

 _:( :( :( :(_

 _:(_

 _:( :( :( :( :( :(_

Oh my god. STOP

 _Not until you agree to become Kit!_

No!

 _FINE! How about you are Kat?_

How is that any better?

 _Because it means you're more mature :D_

Is that another face?

 _Yep_

Ok fine.

 _YES YESYES_

I am Kat though. You are the kid and weirdo, ok?

 _Yes daddy ;)_

No. Stop.

 _Ok daddy_

Bye

 _NoooOOoOoo waaaait_

What?

 _Sorry I'll stop :(_

Ok but I need to go anyway

 _Fine :( byeee Kat!_

Bye

/


	2. Chapter 2

/

underlined is Bucky

 _italics_ is Tony

/

 _Someone got stuck in the vents today_

Wrong number?

 _Nonono I wanted to tell you_

Why?

 _Because I thought it'd be nice to update you_.

Right... how'd they get stuck in the vents?

 _They were trying to hide from me_

Wow. Is it possible for me to do the same?

 _:( no_

Fine then

 _So Kat, how was your day?_

Dammit not that name

 _:D_

My day was fine

 _Fine? Just fine?_

Yes

 _Anti climatic much?_

Well what am I supposed to say?

 _Say "MY DAY WAS GLORIOUS THE SUN ROSE AMAZINGLY AND BEAMED DOWN ON ME AND GOD SMILED FROM THE HEAVENS. I LEFT MY HOUSE/BOX/APARTMENT/MANSION TO EXPLORE THE WORLD AND I HAD FUN AND I LOVE LIFE AND PUPPIES AND I WANNA TEXT KIT SOON"_

No

 _What was inaccurate in that?_

Everything

 _Oh. So you don't live in a house/box/apartment/mansion?_

Maybe

 _Knew you were lying ;)_

You're digging more holes

 _I know. I'm too bored to care_

;)

 _Looking good ;)_

;)

 _Supreme texter in no time ;)_

Steve's staring at me what am I supposed to do?

 _Um why are you asking ME for LIFE advise?_

Because I have no one else and I'm antisocial and I don't know how to handle situations like this

 _Wow that's depressing. Uhhh meet his eyes and say "see something you like?" and maybe it'll make him embarrassed and he'll retreat_

He just stared, then blinked, then left to "go get food"

 _HA "go get food" PATHETIC LYING_

Ikr

 _You're catching on quick :D_

:D yay me

 _Sarcasm?_

What? Noooo

Is that another face?

 _Yes_

-_- ok then

 _-claps- good job_

Uh thanks

 _Yw_

Yw?

 _It means you're welcome_

Okay then... should I be taking notes?

 _YES YOU SHOULD HOW DARE YOU ASK! THIS IS YOUR HOMEWORK I EXPECT AN ESSAY BY TOMORROW_

How do I drop out?

 _YOU DON'T! YOU NEED YOUR TEXTING EDUCATION_

Fine.

 _:D Professor Kit at it again_

You type really fast

 _You type really slow_

I have a valid excuse

 _Which is?_

None of your business

 _Fine fair enough_

Steve came back in with ice cream what do I do?

 _Eat it?_

I haven't had ice cream in years what if I vomit?

 _Oh... idk. Tell him you hate whatever flavor it is_

It's chocolate. Who hates chocolate?

 _Shit... well there's no hope for you then sorry_

He even put a cherry on top

 _Is there syrup too?_

YES

 _Sorry. It was nice knowing you!_

Wish I could say the same

 _:( and yet you keep replying?_

...

 _Ha! I got you there_

Dammit he's waiting for me to eat it with innocent puppy eyes

 _Tell him you hate ice cream_

He looks like a kicked puppy any time I turn something down from him.

 _Well then tell him you already ate_

Ok

He said he knows I didn't and if I don't want it I don't have to eat it. But he's staring at me like he expects me to say "it's okay" and eat it anyway

 _Poor, poor Steve_

Why is Steve the poor one here?

 _Because I said so_

-_- wow

 _:D good job texting apprentice!_

I'm so proud of myself

 _That's the spirit!_

 _Gotta go there's a certain someone that won't leave me ALONE_

Alright, bye.

 _Bye Kat_!

/

How do I play music?

 _Hello to you too_

How do I play music?

 _You're shitting me right now_

How do I play music?

 _For fuck's sake... ok what type of phone do you have?_

iPhone

 _why not a Stark phone?_

Because Steve hates Tony Stark

 _Of course he does_

 _Well if you had a Stark phone this would be easier for you_

Why?

 _Because Stark phones are better than iPhones_

Sure... now how do I play music?

 _-sigh- alright go to the home screen by pressing the circle button at the bottom of your phone_

Okay

 _Now look for a square that has a music symbol_

I see two of them

 _Now look below each square and tap the one that says music_

Okay found it

 _Ta-da!_

There's nothing here though and it wants me to make an account

 _For fuck's sake WHERE'S THE NEAREST CHURCH I NEED GOD'S HELP FOR THIS_

I don't want to make an account. It asks for too much information.

 _Well then you're fucked sorry_

I just wanted to show Steve music other than his boring music that can put even me to sleep

 _HA old man much?_

Kind of

 _Kind of?_

Kind of

 _Alright then... have you read Harry Potter yet?_

No

 _I'm very disappointed in you. Professor Kit is very very disappointed._

Good for him/her

 _Professor Kit is a him and demands you read Harry P_

No

 _Why not?_

Because why would I?

 _It's worth it!_

No

 _Alright how about this. If "Steve" has any Harry Potter books lying around you HAVE to read them. If he doesn't then you don't have to but I'll probably keep bothering you anyway_

Fine I'll ask him later

 _Ok. Soooo what are you up to?_

I have no idea

 _That's informative_

Are you doing anything better?

 _Yes I am! I am working on a super secret confidential project that will bring universal destruction while I slowly but surely become the new god and turn everyone into mules so they can carry my crap for me_

Am I allowed to stay human?

 _Sure :D_

Thanks I guess...

 _Yw_

 _shit gtg_

gtg?

 _it means gotta go NOW BYE ITS IMPORTANT_

Bye...?

/

 _Professor Kit has returned_

It's been 2 days

 _I'm aware_

What happened?

 _Why do you automatically assume something happened?_

Because if something DIDN'T happen I would've been spammed in the last 2 days

 _Woah you used the word spam NICE JOB YOUNG ONE_

Thanks now what happened?

 _Concerned much?_

Curious, actually

 _Well not much happened_

 _I got some booboo's_

From what?

 _A fight_

Why were you in a fight?

And did you win?

 _I was in a fight cause they were being an asshole_

 _And yes I sure as hell won :)_

Well how bad are your booboo's?

 _Not too bad. Just some bruises, a sprained ankle, and a couple pulled ligaments in my thumb_

How the fuck did that even... wait so why are you texting me?

 _Because why not?_

Because your thumb should be healing

 _How do you know I'm not just using my good thumb?_

Because you're typing as fast as you usually do

 _...Shit_

 _Ok true I am_

 _But I'm not gonna waste my time resting just cause my thumb hurts pfft_

Then text with just one hand

 _Wait I got a better idea hold on_

Ok...

 _There! I am now typing on a computer_

Wait what

How'd you do that?!

 _Magic. Maybe I can trust you some day to reveal my secrets ;)_

Whatever just stop using your bad thumb

 _Fine I'll just be a grandpa like you_

I'm a slow texter and I'm not ashamed ok?

 _Ok good be proud! Even though it's annoying to wait on your reply when I'm trying to hurry up with something_

Then don't wait on me

 _Nah it's ok Kat :D_

Not that damn name again...

 _Yep! Kat Kat Kat!_

Jesus make it stop

How do I block you?

 _Nononono don't D:_

Then STOP

 _I'll stop for now ok? ok_

Fine.

I gotta go anyways

 _Ok._

 _waitwaitwait YOU DIDNT USE TEXT TALK_

 _THATS 50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!_

/

Are you famous or something?

 _Um. What?_

Are you famous or something?

 _Why are you asking me if I'm famous?_

Because I scrolled up to our earlier messages and just noticed how you said I'd scream if I had your account

 _Oh. Well yes, I'm famous_

Really?

 _Yup_

For what?

 _It's a secret ;)_

We both know I'll find out eventually

 _True but I'm hiding it anyways_

Fine be that way.

 _Don't be pouty now_

I'm not pouting

 _Mhm sure buddy sure_

 _Well I can give you a hint: I think I know the Steve you talk about_

WHAT?!

 _Yup. ;)_

HOW?

 _He's famous too isn't he?_

Well, maybe...

 _Exactly_.

Does that mean you know who I am?

 _I have my suspicions_

Oh joy.

 _It's nice knowing more than the other person does :)_

It's not so nice being the other person though :(

 _Well I wouldn't know, now would I? hehe_

Asshole

 _Ouch. My heart._

Anyway, will you just tell me how you know Steve?

 _Mmmmmm... no_

Why not?!

 _Because I don't wanna_

UGH! FINE BYE

 _Byeeee!_

/

 _Hey you still salty?_

 _Yes?_

 _Ok then..._

/

 _Dammit I'm bored get on :(_

 _REPLY_

 _HERE BOY! HERE!_

 _ugh you're lame_

/

 _Are you seriously ignoring me just cause I won't tell you how I know Steve?_

Yes.

 _HOLY SHIT YOU REPLIED!_

Just tell me how you know him.

 _Why do you wanna know so badly?_

Because I'm paranoid. And curious.

 _So am I but I'm not pouty about it_

I'm not pouty!

 _You sure bout that?_

You're infuriating

 _So I've been told pfft_

Just tell me. Please.

 _Okay fine but only if you do one thing for me_

Okay, what?

 _Help me prank Steve_

DEAL.

 _Good._

...Well?

 _Well what?_

TELL ME HOW YOU KNOW STEVE

 _We work together_

You... what.

 _We. Work. Together._

But... ok I think we're talking about different Steve's

 _Possibly._

I mean, I would say things about my Steve but I'm paranoid

 _Well does "your Steve" like pineapple pizza?_

Yes...

 _And he was born on Independence Day?_

Yes...

 _And is your Steve happen to be a famous superhero?_

...Okay I think we're talking about the same Steve...

 _Knew it!_

So does that mean that you're on his team or something?

 _Fuck no it's not "his team" it's OUR team_

You're an Avenger then?

 _Possibly..._

I'll take that as a yes. So since you probably know who I am, why do you talk to me?

 _What do you mean?_

I mean... nevermind. You probably don't know who I really am if you have to ask.

 _No no I'm pretty extra sure I know who you are. And I don't give a shit about that stuff you think you did._

"Think" I did?

 _Yes. It wasn't you. It was your captors' fault. NOT YOURS._

I... don't know what to say

 _That's okay, cause i gtg anyway_

Ok... bye.

 _Bye!_

/


End file.
